About a year ago, I was made aware of an opportunity to fly across the world and change the lives of orphans. An organization called Children's Global Alliance had taken 5 students from Stone Creek Charter School the previous summer to Cambodia and this time they were expanding the program to my school. I thought about how great of an idea this was and eagerly applied, but I never thought I'd actually be lucky enough to go or even imagined that I could be in such a wonderful situation. And months later, after so much hard work and anticipation, I found myself in Cambodia doing something that made me the happiest I've ever been.

Tonight, I got to witness some of the student volunteers for this summer's service trips begin their journey the same way I did at the informational meeting. It's amazing to think of how different they will be in a year, how much this experience will change them, and all of the experiences coming in the future. Of how they will become part of this CGA family and be able to share all of the things that my teammates and I felt and experienced this past summer. I am so excited for them to embark on their journey, both physically to Cambodia or Nicaragua, and mentally.

I want to tell anyone who happens to read this blog that there is no exaggeration when student volunteers say this trip is absolutely amazing, and it will be life-changing. The growth that I have seen in myself and my friends who went with me stunned even me, and I am proud to say that every one of us is a better person because of it. Students, I encourage you to apply for this trip and know that you won't regret it and you will fall in love with every one of the children you work with. There is nothing that I have ever experienced that is quite as rewarding as working so hard to go on the trip and continuing to work hard during the trip, and seeing how much happier you made those kids and how much better their lives are now. And how they touched your heart and changed you, too.

I wish the best of luck to this year's applicants, and please believe me when I say this trip is something you will never, ever forget!

Goodbye to Cambodia... For Now

After we finished our work at the orphanage, we spent the last weekend visiting the Royal Palace and Angkor Wat. The Royal Palace- which we visited on Saturday, is where the king lives. The next day we made the 5 hour journey to Siem Riep, where Angkor Wat and the temples surrounding it are located. Seeing a piece of Cambodian history at the end of our trip was especially awesome. Angkor Wat is huge, and the architecture and carvings are amazing. We woke up at quarter to 5 am on Monday to see the sunrise at the temple- which was beautiful. Going there was a really nice treat after working so hard for the past two weeks.

As I'm writing, I sit in the Incheon Airport in Seoul, Korea. The fact that I'm no longer in Cambodia, no longer a mere drive away from the kids, is a saddening fact. I keep thinking about them- what they're doing, how they're doing, I'm checking my watch to see if they're eating or sleeping or playing. I miss them all so much. The second group gets there soon, though, so hopefully they won't have to miss me as much as I miss them.

I'll be home soon. Back to my own house and my own bed and my normal routine in a country that I see now is truly first-world. It's not undesirable, really, because any one of those kids would have begged to be going where I'm going. It's just something to get used to again. I do miss my family and friends, and I can't wait to see them. But I hate leaving these kids. I want to continue to help them and I want to make sure they're safe and loved. I wish the second group luck in doing exactly this. Ava, Mallory, Bret, Alex, Camryn, Anna, Zoe, Jenna, and Nikko, you're going to have a great time. Work hard. Love with all your heart.

I don't know what to say at the end of my trip except thank you. Thank you Lisa Marie, for bringing me here. Thank you to the kids for allowing me to love them. Thank you to my parents for supporting me and thank you to everyone on this trip with me for being the most amazing people to work with. Thank you for this experience that I am so grateful for. My time here is something I'll never forget. I am proud of the work I've done. I'm happy with how happy I've made those kids and how much work we did to improve their living situation. I'm proud of our work as a team. I may be leaving a piece of my heart in Cambodia, but I'm leaving knowing that I did a good job.

I'm not sure about a lot of things in life. But I am sure that this isn't the last time I'll be in Cambodia. I'm coming back, whether it be with CGA or another organization, if I have to swim across the Pacific and climb over mountains, that's what I will do. I loved this experience too much to be a one-time thing. I want to help everyone there as much as I possibly can. Cambodia, this farewell is only for the time being. I'll see you soon.

Saying Goodbye

With Friday night came our last 8 hours with the orphans. We threw a huge goodbye party- there was dancing, eating, laughing, and crying. The younger girls and boys showed us a few of their dances, which were wonderful! Srey Niet is the lead dancer and is so graceful when she dances. I was smiling the whole time watching her. She's so beautiful! All of their dances were so cute to watch, especially the one in which the boys would yell and bob their heads in a way that I didn't really understand.

I spent a good portion of the day playing volleyball- a sport that, no surprise, I am extremely bad at. Half of the game was mostly the older boys laughing at me because I couldn't hit the ball! I'm happy to say, though, I was laughing along with them. They're so good at that game that I'm watching open-mouthed and jealous every time. Some of the boys play for money every day at five. One thing I'm going to miss- their constant volleyball instruction with a dash of Khmer accent.

After dinner, which was after volleyball, our party really started. It got dark fairly quickly (or quicker than I'm used to, at least) and they had a few strobe lights to ensure maximum party-ability. Ruat, one of the older boys, made sure that I didn't rest a bit during this party. I'm glad he did! I had so much fun dancing with them all night. Best dance party ever- especially when we were dancing along to songs in Khmer where we couldn't even pronounce the lyrics.

Saying goodbye was hard. I don't think I've ever had to do anything that has broken my heart that much. It took us so long to leave- everywhere you stepped there would be another sobbing child that you hadn't hugged, and you'd run up to them because you were sobbing too. I couldn't stop thinking about if I would ever see them again or if they would ask the next group about me or if they would even remember me in the future. I think they will- the connections I've made with these kids aren't something that I think either of us will forget. Two of the girls asked me to be their sister. One asked me to be her new mommy. I said yes to all of them. I'm relieved that the next group is coming soon. Every one of those kids has their own story to share and love to give and I'm glad that there are more people out there willing to accept it. I'm so grateful that I got to know them all. And, as Jack advised us, I'm done crying because it's over, and I'm going to smile because it happened.

"How lucky I am to have something that makes me say goodbye so hard." -A.A. Milne

Days 6 & 7: Clothes and the Yard

The orphanage is made up of its main building and sort of a yard, which ends with a fence. Past the fence is another, larger yard, the chicken coop, the place where the two blind men sleep, and then another fence. When we first arrived, there was so much trash covering the entirety of the bigger yard. The grass everywhere was so long and it seemed like you could find broken glass every few steps. A few days ago, a lot of us worked to clean up all of this. We bought 21 trash bags and filled them all! Then, from Monday to Tuesday, we were hoeing grass and pulling out roots until eventually there was a sizable bare spot where hopefully now the orphanage will be able to grow things (or use it for another purpose). I looked over the yard again once we were done and it looked so good! It was so rewarding to see how nice it looked compared to when we first got there. I was really proud of all our work.

One thing that amazes me is that the kids always want to help. Kids in America would jump at the chance to play instead of keep their living place sustainable, but these kids are so excited to do it! I love how much they want to keep their place clean and work with us. Even when we told them that they don't have to work this time, they still tried to get in on the action. Sometimes we would even have to take them away ourselves and then come back to finish what we were doing! The work ethic is so wonderful to see in those kids. I wish you could see more of that back home. This place really makes you reflect on how easy we have made things for ourselves- so easy that we think working hard to make our own lives better is a burden. I don't think most people know what it is even like to have to work hard for something and then to feel proud of yourself once the task is completed. That's the real treat here, seeing how happy these kids are to have a clean yard, bathrooms where it isn't completely unpleasant to do your business in, fresh clothing. I wish more of the excitement that these kids have and infect others with existed around the world.

Yesterday and today we gave the children new clothes (and shoes) and washed their old ones. Washing clothes was especially wonderful because the water would cool you off! They really needed the new clothing- I don't even know what most of the stains were on their old ones (which they still have of course. Our purpose was to add to their stock, not to replace.) One of the little boys, Sok Heng, picked little pink and purple velcro shoes. They looked so cute on him! I loved seeing how happy all the kids were to get new things. To them, everything that anyone will give them is such a gift. Even candy, which is practically a necessity back in the states, is something that causes their faces to light up. It really makes my day to help that extra bit and make their lives better. To make them feel special. They treasure everything we give them, and I am so happy to be able to be the person giving and receiving their love and thanks.

Days 5 & 6

Sunday was the one day that we didn't go to CPO. Instead, we visited several different orphanages that also work with Star Kampuchea, the organization that helps volunteers like us help other people. Our first stop was PIO. This orphanage was nothing like CPO, or any of the other ones we visited. It reminded me of the slums- there was trash everywhere and so many people living near that were poor. We even gave clothing to those living outside on our way out. Though (except for the fact that they seemed to have less energy) the children there were happy and excited to play. We had a dance party at the end, which was wonderful.

Afterwards, we visited CCH, which was probably the nicest orphanage I've seen here. Like CPO, they had a Japanese sponsor. Each child had their own bed and the whole place was very, very clean. I had what I consider to be the most amazing conversation I have ever had with two girls at the orphanage. It was about Justin Bieber.

The last orphanage we tried to visit was SFODA. I assume that we're going back there eventually, because when we originally went, there was no one there so we couldn't drop off supplies.

Today we fell back into our normal routine. We arrived at CPO at around 8:30 am and played with the kids most of the day. A lot of us worked to clean out the chicken coops, which was apparently a lot of work seeing as the coops are large and it's really hot here. I'm almost relieved to say that I wasn't one of those people. Haley and I cleaned the second bathroom today (the first one was cleaned yesterday). It was surprisingly less horrible than I expected. It didn't smell bad at all, and the dirt was really easy to wipe up once we used the cleaner that I have deemed magical. All in all, it wasn't that eventful, but it was just as amazing as every other day here is. I keep thinking about how we're already halfway into our stay here and I am not looking forward to having to say goodbye. I miss my friends and family a lot, but I'm going to miss these kids, the staff at the guest house, and our tuk-tuk drivers so much. I don't really want to think about it even, but of course the things that we don't want to think about are the things we find ourselves thinking about the most. I miss people already, and thinking that about the possibility that I'll never see them again doesn't make me feel good. But, if anything, I hope this makes me appreciate my time here so much more.

Day 4

I don't know what to say about today, truly. The earlier part of the day was great, to be honest. It was the most fun I've ever had with the kids and I really thought that I was connecting with them even more. Two blind men work at the orphanage and I had the chance to speak with one of them today- Sopiep, who was blinded while playing with a landmine when he was four years old. He really is the sweetest man and his English, which he learned just by listening to others, is impeccable. He's wonderful, and I cherished the opportunity to talk to him.

The last part of the day was... hard to witness. We visited CHA, the orphanage where the group worked last year, and found that most of the kids were gone and the remaining ones were nothing like the kids at CPO. They were completely drained of energy and they scarfed down every bit of food we gave them. The owner promised they would eat fried fish tonight, though there was nothing cooking when we left. Everyone just looked sad. It was awful to see. I couldn't imagine how the members of our group who'd worked there last year felt.

A day before this, we visited the slums, which was a horrible experience for me. Nearly everyone there is HIV positive, the ground is littered with fungus and garbage, and the houses, if you could even call them houses, are impossibly tiny and crammed together in this huge neighborhood. They are so much worse off than the kids at the orphanage- it made me sick to think people lived this way.

Life, it seems, is indeed not fair.

Days 2 & 3

The past two days we spent at the orphanage. The place is tiny, with a sort of wooden stage covered by a metal roof, connected to a small office and a kitchen. But it feels like home- full of love and the joy that these kids radiate. They are so happy, it amazes me. Each and every one of them has a smile on their face and a hug to give every hour of every day to anyone who gives them love, and the simple fact that they appreciate everything handed to them despite and because of how little they have is absolutely wonderful.

There is no indoors. Flies are everywhere. Running water does not exist there. The roof leaks, it's hot and humid all the time, and they sleep, eat, and play all on the same wooden stage. This doesn't matter to them, it seems. They're still the sweetest kids I have ever met and I personally plan to fit every one of them into my suitcase and take them home with me.

Our work on our second day visiting was simple enough- we picked up trash and deloused the kids. The abundance of both trash and lice was truly shocking. Garbage was quite literally thrown all over the yard, and we were all wary of maggots, which there were plenty of. Delousing the kids was a completely different horror. I don't know how many eggs we found in each kid's hair- it seemed like hundreds. The sad thing was, most of these kids had never been deloused before. I can't imagine getting lice for one day, let alone 13 years. We figured they must've been so relieved to stop having to itch.

Hopefully soon we'll get them running water.

Day 1

A word to describe my first day here doesn't come easily- because it was a lot of things. Hot, for one, because as soon as we got off the plane -even at midnight- I was blasted with the humidity and the warm air. It doesn't get cooler, either. As the day progressed I kept my mind occupied by wondering how a person could sweat this much and not pass out from dehydration. Surprisingly, I mind it a lot less than I thought I would, and it actually can be relaxing if you take a moment and get comfortable.

Today was a tourism day. Volunteering, I suppose, is being saved for the rest of the trip and we spent today growing accustomed to the new surroundings and culture. We visited the Genocide Museum and Killing Fields which were nothing short of both awe-inspiring and devastating. It was the most "real" experience I've had with a piece of history, because it was right there, not just in pictures but literally ten feet in front of me, so close that I could throw a penny into the pits where bodies of men, women, and children were carelessly tossed decades ago. It made me wonder why- which I'd never really wondered before. I've always just assumed there were crazy people out there, and that was the end of it. Though, it might be a bit less black-and-white, I suppose it still is the only answer, but as I walked passed scraps of the victims' old clothing and bracelets to celebrate the countless children killed, I genuinely wanted to ask these people what kind of human being could convince himself that his cause was for the better and that doing away with a life -no, thousands of lives- was acceptable, even a good thing. I stared at the fields and pictured how hundreds of people daily were killed here, in pain, still clinging to one strand of hope, their stories left unfinished and their families left lonely. The thought made me sick. How could someone do this? How could you treat a human life as anything short of a miracle? I'm afraid I'll never know the answer, but to be honest I'm not sure I really want to.

In other news, the second part of the day didn't bring tears to my eyes, I'm happy to say. We went to the Olympic Stadium here and had a blast doing aerobics to foreign pop music instructed by someone we didn't know. I'm sure we looked and acted like the whitest kids in the country, which was a beautiful thing.

First day at the orphanage tomorrow, I can't wait!!

Last Reflections Before My Trip

Tomorrow is our departure day. We'll be taking a three-hour flight from Denver and then landing in San Francisco, afterwards taking a 10 hour flight (Yay! Sleeping in airplane chairs!) to Korea and then going to Pnom Penh. Phones will be turned off in San Francisco because, as we all know, roaming charges are somewhat less than pleasant to see on your phone bill. This means I'll be mostly out of touch with my parents for the duration of the trip and just about completely out of touch with my friends. I don't quite know what to make of this. I like my independence, I really do, but I've never known what isolation feels like and I don't know how I'll handle being disconnected from my friends and family like this. I've always relied on those people that I love to bring me happiness and to be there when I need them, and the absence of that security and comfort is frightening. I'll definitely have to find a way to compensate for that loss. However, I do think that being a source of happiness and love for the kids in the orphanage will be more than enough to bring me the joy that I've usually gotten from being on the receiving end of comfort myself. I get to be a part of these kids' lives every day during the time I'm allotted to be in Cambodia- I get to make them smile, make them feel loved, make them feel like they have a family. How many thirteen-year-olds get to experience that? How many people get to experience that?! I'm so, so blessed to be given this opportunity.

I keep thinking about preparing for when I get over there only to come to the conclusion that there IS no real way to prepare for this. How do you prepare to go from an affluent valley in a free, healthy, relatively rich and well-supplied country to a country struck with poverty and fresh from genocide? I consciously have this mindset that even though I've been told time and time again and I know in my heart that these kids have nothing, they'e got to have something, right? Everybody's got to have something. But they don't. And I think that's what will both fascinate and devastate me the most- that I willingly and consciously take literally everything for granted and most of the time I don't even realize how incredibly lucky I am. I think it's going to be absolutely overwhelming and I honestly have no idea how I'm going to handle myself.

However! So far, I've been somewhat dreary about this whole trip and I don't want to give you the wrong idea- the phrase "beyond excited" is the epitome of understatements to describe what I'm feeling right now. In mere hours I'll be on my way to experiencing what I expect will be the most amazing and fulfilling experience I'll ever have. I'm thirteen! I'm flying across the world to help orphans! How many people get to do that?!
It's hard, though, I think, to make the kids' needs and feelings your first priority. My first instinct is to pretend this trip isn't going to be hard work and emotionally trying at times and pretend this is a vacation or a soul-searching trip. But it really, really isn't. No doubt I'll come back a different person and no doubt it will be incredibly enjoyable, but the kids come first. Every day, I remind myself that I'll be putting myself second for the entire trip. The title quote for my blog is "Love is keeping the promise [anyway]." And I mean it. The love I feel for these children now and that will absolutely be growing inside me from the moment I step on that plane is worth it. The promise that I've made to help them and to care for them is worth giving up my needs for two weeks. The kids are the soul reason I signed up for this and committing to that promise is going to be one of the toughest but definitely the most rewarding part, and that is worth it.