I have been with Children's Global Alliance for three years now, and with each year I still feel an almost overwhelming mix of fear, excitement, anxiety, and joy. Each trip is so different from anything else I have ever experienced- no matter where I am going, I know I will be outside my comfort zone, working with real people who are so different form me in some ways but exactly the same in others (whether it be a girl living in an orphanage who loves dancing to pop music, or a boy with cerebral palsy who has a knack for math). It becomes apparent as soon as you see the smiling face and bright eyes of each child that they are not just victims of tragedy that you read about, but can never connect with or understand. You go there to teach them and to love them, and in return they help you grow and leave footprints on your heart. Which is terrifying. But it's also what makes you a better person, and what makes all the difference on these trips. It is the heart of CGA.
I have been thinking a lot about what I am afraid of most going into Tanzania, and I've come to the conclusion that what scares me the most is that I might come home regretting something I didn't do; that I'll miss an opportunity to give a hug or listen to a story and I will spend my trip home thinking about what I should've done instead of appreciating my time in the orphanage. But I think it's OK if I'm afraid of that. I think, for me, fear is one of my biggest obstacles, and if I can over come it and instead focus on my passion for being a volunteer and working with these kids, I will be able to share love without reservations, and the success of my trip will be so much greater if I focus on the smiles I got instead of hypothetical ones.
I think the most difficult thing, by far, will be being prepared to stand up and help teach English to a classroom full of kids at a moment's notice. As a person who is afraid of talking a lot of the time and doesn't work well under pressure, being able to teach on the spot might be one of the hardest things I will do. But I like to remind myself of this: facing challenges like these head on is one of the reasons I applied for Cambodia two-and-a-half years ago. Opportunities to step outside your comfort zone present themselves every day, but rarely do we take them because of the fear that we will fail. In Tanzania, the only way to fail is to not take the opportunity in the first place. I think knowing that to share the English language will help these children in their daily endeavors -and maybe even inspire them to choose a career involving English that leads them to a better life- will give me courage to stand up there and speak.
I am looking forward to seeing who I become at the end of these three weeks. I hope that I will become a stronger leader and a happier individual, but most of all I hope that I gain confidence during this trip. After each trip I have come back more self-assured and more able to make friends without the anxiety that used to come with meeting new people. These trips are difficult, there is no question about it, but they make you push yourself until you succeed, which is the key part of character growth. There is so much more that I know I will gain from this trip, but the confidence to put myself out there, discuss my opinions without the fear that other people won't like them, and talk freely to people who intimidate me is what I really wish to come back with.
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