"In My Heart is the Memory, and There You Will Always Be"

This is my third time saying goodbye to kids who have found their way into the deepest part of my heart, and I still do not know how to make the farewells any easier. Our last day was filled with goodbyes – little arms wrapping around me, hands stuffing notes into my fingers, voices saying, “I’ll miss you!” We had to leave after lunchtime, and when they rang the school bell, the students ran back inside as we made our way back to our cars. There was a finality to it, which made it easier and more difficult at the same time. We left without the pain of feeling little fingers slip through ours, but we had to say goodbye earlier, and we pulled away from the school alone. The kids at LOAMO, especially the younger ones whom I taught, made such an impact on my life, and it is heartbreaking that I will probably never see them again. Our goodbyes were so chaotic that although I said “I’ll miss you,” and “I love you,” more times than I could count, I was too overwhelmed to process the fact that we were leaving until after we left. The kids know that I love them and will always remember them, and I know that they feel the same about me, but I wish that we had gotten to say a proper goodbye. All the same, I am so grateful for every hug, every kiss, and every note that we exchanged. The kids taught me so much about happiness and selflessness, and I am honored to have been their teacher, even if it was for a short time.

However, we did get another chance to say goodbye to the Class VI and Class VII students, as well as the LOAMO staff, at the dance Friday night. We spent hours preparing, but it was so worth it to see their smiling faces when they ran inside. The kids and teachers danced their hearts out, and it was truly amazing to see how happy and excited they all were. Everyone was dressed to the nines, and the effort they put in to look nice reminded me of how much our work meant to them. At the end of the dance, Loserian and Nicodemus thanked us for our work at the school, and presented all the students with gifts. Mr. Kimaro even pulled me aside to thank me for all we had done for him. These moments, making me realize just how grateful they were for our hard work, almost brought me to tears. I am so thankful that I have had the opportunity to know these people, because they have most certainly had a bigger impact on my life than I have had on theirs. This trip has reminded me that I am so, so blessed to have a family, a house, and food to eat. I will always be grateful to each and every one of the students and teachers here, and I have no words to express how glad I honored I feel to have known them. 

Love and Loss

Yesterday and today were our last two days teaching at LOAMO. I have to say, being here, teaching thirty-some restless kids, has really given me a new perspective on teaching. I never realized how difficult it is to plan a new lesson every day, stand up in front of a class to teach, and make material exciting and interesting. This experience has made me appreciate my teachers so much more, as well as allowed me to admire the staff at LOAMO and how hard they work.

Once again, I am so blown away by the kind hearts and positive energy of the people here. A perfect example of this is the Class I teacher, Madame Lillian. From the moment I walked into her classroom, she made an effort to make me feel welcome. When she gets up to teach, the students are so excited, and she has a talent for engaging the students and helping them learn. The other day she said to me: “Nicole, have you ever considered being a teacher? You have so many great ideas, and you are really talented in the classroom.” When she said this, especially since I was already nervous about teaching and how well I was doing in the classrooms, I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me. Her words not only reminded me that our work here really is making an impact, but they also helped me be more confident in myself and my abilities. This is something I have seen consistently while here in Tanzania – the compassion that people demonstrate and the way that they strive to make you feel good is really heart-warming. It is a quality I wish I saw in people back home.

Today, Tate, Evan, Krissy, and I visited the home of Miguel and Meejooly, two brothers who attend LOAMO. Their mother, Rachel, invited us in, and we sat down in a living room that was the size of our bathroom here in the guesthouse. Immediately, I could feel how cozy the home was. Miguel hopped up onto his mother’s lap, and she tenderly combed his hair as she spoke with us. Miguel was shy, but Meejooly was excited to tell me about his interests, talking about how he loves science and math and wants to be a pilot when he grows up. Rachel, very openly, explained to us that her husband had passed away a year ago, and that it was now very difficult for her to support herself and her children. She works as a restaurant supervisor in a hotel in Arusha, and spends most of her salary paying rent. The rest she uses for school fees for her children, paying their housekeeper, and other things that they need to survive. She works extremely hard to make sure that her kids have the opportunities that they deserve, and that kind of drive and devotion to family was inspiring to see.

Going on home visits like this is always humbling. Like Lisa Marie said to us last night, it really reminds you of how much you actually need. Although Rachel lost her husband not so long ago, she somehow motivates herself to push through the pain that I’m sure she feels every day, and works hard for her family. I witness the same thing in Krissy, who, even though she rides an emotional roller coaster on a daily basis, she still has an incredible passion for sharing her love and beautiful self. What selfless, caring women! It was truly inspiring to meet Rachel and to see the kind of compassion, drive, and kindness she has, even after going through something so heart-wrenching. Her story helped me remember that family is more important than anything, and if she can find a way to keep her family alive after the loss of her husband, then I can find a way to push through the struggles in my life, too.

Life is a Blessing

Every day in Tanzania is mind-blowing, but this weekend I felt an overwhelming mix of emotions. The work that we did on Saturday and Sunday was more than worthwhile, but one left me feeling proud, and one left me with a pang in my heart.

On Saturday, we were lucky enough to be able to sleep in for an hour, and we left for the school at 8:00 am, knowing that although there were no kids at the school, we had a lot of work to do. The teachers, along with our three chaperones, all met in the office for a team-building seminar while we brought out cleaning supplies, divided them up, and began cleaning the classrooms. There was a lot of work to be done. Though my room may have been cleaner than many of the others, cleaning it was still a grueling task. I spent endless hours cleaning the walls alone, scrubbing off dirt and pencil marks until my arms were sore. At times, I was even frustrated with the way the dirt refused to come off the wall. It made me angry that these kids didn’t have a cleaner school. The cleaning ladies work very hard, and LOAMO is much nicer than many other schools in Tanzania, but the kids deserve a facility (and materials) as nice as those in the Vail Valley. Everyone at LOAMO works so incredibly hard, and it is difficult to watch children be set back by lack of materials or a nice space to learn in. Because of this, I loved being able to improve the conditions of the school and lighten the load put on the cleaning ladies. It was extremely satisfying to, at the end of the day, look at the result of my sweaty forehead and tired arms and know that I had done a good thing. There were two occasions where I felt an intense sense of pride:

1) At around 1 o’clock, when we were still hard at work, several of the ladies from the kitchen came into each of our rooms to offer us tea. Politely, we refused, saying that we had to get back to work. However, it seemed that their offer had not been a request, but a demand, and they literally dragged us into the kitchen, pushed us into a sitting position on plastic chairs, and gave us tea and bread. Though I was laughing at the time, their generosity and insistence that we rest for even just five minutes warmed my heart and showed me how much our work meant to them.

2) At the end of the day, when we were all sitting together, completely wiped out, Loserian (the husband of Maria, LOAMO’s founder) addressed us all and thanked us for our hard work. “When I heard that you wanted to clean the school, I thought, Can they really do it?” he said. “But you have done it beautifully.” I was so glad to hear him say that, not only because I knew that we had done well, but also because it meant that he, as one of the directors of LOAMO, appreciated the work that we had done and welcomed us in his school. I was incredibly proud of our group, and myself, and I am beyond happy that we have been successful on this trip so far.

Sunday was a new experience altogether. At around 1 o’clock, we went to the Save Africa orphanage about thirty minutes from our guesthouse. The orphanage, just like everything I have seen here, was nothing like I expected. It was very small, with only about thirty kids, one main building about 3/4ths the size of our house, a small chicken coop, and a large field outside holding a few cows. The children were skinny, dirty, and ate food out of buckets with their hands. Lunch was made by cooking rice and eating every part of the bird, including the feet and intestines. The kids would constantly be asking for something, anything that they could have – bracelets, sunglasses, just something. We gave them all the love we could, but it was not enough to fill their bellies and bandage their scraped knees. It was difficult to see that they really did have nothing, even though we earned their love very quickly, and spent most of the day cuddling and playing. I let the orphanage feeling grateful for my food, my shelter, and my family, but also feeling angry that some people have to live like this. Everyone deserves a warm place to sleep at night and enough food to satisfy them, yet it seems so hard to give this to everyone. I felt almost helpless, not knowing what I could do to give people in that situation what they deserve, but my passion for volunteering only increased.

Today we started our second, and also our last, week at the school. And though I did switch from Class V to Class I, I saw the same drive I have always seen in these students – a drive to work hard, to learn, and to love. I am sad that we are leaving so soon, but I am proud of all that we have accomplished here. As I was reading stories to the kids and laughing as we acted out jumping jacks, I felt an enormous amount of love in my heart. The connection I have made with all of them in just one short week is why I love working with CGA – the lifelong bond you make with each one of them is something that changes you forever. I am so glad that I have found that with these kids, and I hope to continue changing their lives in the week to come.

On Selflessness

It has been one week since I arrived in Tanzania, and words cannot express how much I have learned from the students and teachers already. The energy and excitement here is truly incredible. Every day that I go to the school, I feel invigorated, and I am filled with a drive to work harder, appreciate more, and be as selfless as possible.

Yesterday AJ, Keelin, Evan, Nikko, and Lisa Marie went to visit the home of Benard, a twelve-year-old who is in Class Four at LOAMO. When we discussed their visit later that night, I was inspired beyond words.

Benard grew up in or around Arusha. He lived with his parents when he was very little, until his father passed away. His mother, for a reason unknown to the home visit group, was not able to care for him, and he was passed into the care of his aunt. While living with her, he attended a basic primary school in the village, but he spent most of his time doing manual labor at a local university, bringing home money to provide for himself and his aunt. Richard, a teacher at the university, saw him working and took an interest in him. Benard made him question why the students at the university were able to be educated, but Benard was not. Selflessly, he took Benard in, got him a scholarship to an excellent private school, and now Benard attends LOAMO.

What is amazing about Benard’s story is that he was separated from his parents, given a minimal education, and required to work to support himself at a young age, and now, due to one family’s selflessness, he was given a chance. Since Richard took him in, he has learned to speak partially fluent English and has not only academically caught up to the others in his class, but he is the best out of all of them at math.

The group’s amazement at his hard work has excited and inspired me. His dedication to learning and to working hard to help himself and others is an extremely welcome change from what I am used to seeing in the United States. There are so many twelve-year-olds that I know who have never given a thought to anyone but themselves, yet here Benard is, waking up early in the morning to milk the five cows that they have, and staying up late at night to finish his homework. It warms my heart, but at the same time it frustrates me that children his age in America are so selfish.

Every day, I have been growing closer and closer to the children at LOAMO. I didn't realize how big of an impact our short time there was until the end of today, when I was walking Janeth, a sweetheart in Class One, to her bus. I leaned down to kiss her cheek good-bye, and after she reciprocated, she said to me, “I love you so much, Teacher!” and ran off. Six words had my feet glued to the dirt in amazement. I felt warmth spread throughout my whole body, and for the rest of the day I had an enormous grin on my face. What we’re doing here is so important, whether it is teaching, helping the teachers in the classroom, or just giving love to the students. Janeth today reminded me of how much we mean to the people at LOAMO, and I am so excited to give my all at the school next week.

Breaking Bad Habits

These past two days at the school have been indescribable. Each day there is like a mental reset; everything negative, everything toxic that I have let into my mind is cleared away by the bright smiles on these kids’ faces and their contagious energy. The comfort of their little hands effortlessly slipping into yours when they greet you is like coming home.

Each person here is so incredible. The teachers on their own are remarkable to talk to – they all have their own stories and unique personalities, but they share the same vigorous passion for teaching. The work ethic that the teachers and students have here is something that I wish I saw in those in American schools. We are so fortunate to have an excess of resources to teach ourselves with, but they are abused by so many students. Here, the students are more advanced than many of those in America, and they only have textbooks and a chalkboard to learn from. To think of what they could do with more than that is exciting and heartbreaking at the same time.

After school Kevin, Tate, and I went on a home visit to the house of MR. Kimaro, the computer teacher at LOAMO. I don’ know what I was expecting his house to look like, but it was not what we ended up walking into. It had two rooms, and both were smaller than the size of my kitchen. What little space there was was filled with two small beds (one in each room), a stove, a small couch, and various pots of water and bags of clothes. Despite being small and crowded, the living room that we were invited into was remarkably neat and tidy – it was obvious that the family took pride in what they had. It’s amazing how people here treasure their possessions even though they have so few, while many of those at home have no sense of appreciation for belongings that are considered luxuries here.

Mr. Kimaro invited us into his house and we had a conversation with him about his life. As we sat with him, his wife, and his three kids, we learned that he was a very driven, passionate, and dedicated man, with a passion for teaching and a desire to do everything he can for his family. He is taking night classes at the University of Dar es Salaam (in addition to teaching for eight hours each day) in pursuit of a teaching job at a secondary school. His drive to better his life is inspiring, but he lacks the resources to go to school and live the life he deserves. Sometimes, he told us, he has to suffer so that his family can eat at least two meals per day.

It is so easy to slip into a routine of abusing the luxuries we are so blessed with, and that is exactly what I realized I had done in the past year. When I stepped into Mr. Kimaro’s house, and I felt the welcoming atmosphere even though the place was so small, a sense of gratefulness hit me like a freight train. Mr. Kimaro is so deserving of the job and life that he wants, yet he has so little resources to get there. Meanwhile, I have seen myself and my friends disregard the privileges we have by complaining about the fact that we don’t have more. As I left his house, almost to the point of tears, it became clear to me that simply saying I was blessed is not enough. By giving back, working as hard as humanly possible, and appreciating everything I am so fortunate to have, maybe I will have earned the luxuries that Mr. Kimaro deserves.

Everything You Want is On the Other Side of Fear

Four words that cross my mind every second I am here:

This place is amazing.

When we began our journey, the word “Africa,” to me, was synonymous with a flat, dry, savannah, lots of boboa trees, very Lion King-esque. And though we did see a sunrise that came straight out of the movie as we flew into Ethiopia (a plethora of firey reds and oranges, fading into light blue and then darker, darker, and darker until the sky wove into outer space) the vast plains and desert that I pictured were not present in Arusha, Tanzania. Upon arrival, we were met with forests of green trees and vibrant red, pink, and purple flowers, and had to wrap ourselves tightly in our jackets to combat the chilly winter weather. On Saturday, we took a tour of the city, led by a very personable man named Rasta John. He took us on a walk through Arusha, showing us the markets and museums here and giving us a glimpse into what makes Tanzania unique.

Our very first volunteer experience was on Sunday, at an orphanage called Cradle of Love. Cradle of Love is composed 100% of babies and toddlers, and when we arrived at the orphanage I could feel my heart being stolen by these children. Since we were the only volunteers there at the time, there were more babies to a person than we could count. At one point, I was pushing four different babies on three different swings. We fed the babies, played with the babies, and held the babies, but most importantly we gave massive amounts of love to each and every one of them. I am so incredibly glad that our first act of volunteering was at COL, because it opened my heart up and prepared me to extend my love unto the children at the school.

Today was our first day at LOAMO English Medium School. LOAMO, consisting of 270 students and 17 teachers, is a primary school with classes ranging from Baby Class, Kinder, and Pre-Unit all the way to Class 7. Extremely early on in their education, they become completely fluent in English, and are able to learn without speaking a word of Swahili. This vigor exists in every aspect of their education, from comprehensive English classes to extremely advanced science and math classes. The school in general is much more advanced than I expected. Despite being eleven years old, the kids in Class 5 began their science lesson by reviewing how digestive enzymes in the mouth break down starch into glucose. Upon hearing this, I was completely taken aback- I hadn’t learned this information until my sophomore year of high school! I had been expecting to teach mostly English to semi-fluent students, and here I was, completely out of my element and not prepared for the level of learning and the work ethic of both the kids and the teachers. To be honest, it was terrifying.

As the day went on my nerves calmed, and I got more and more comfortable interacting with students and being a helpful presence in the classroom. Throughout the day I was grading papers, explaining mathematical equations, and I even got to teach a history lesson on the slave trade. At this point in the day I was shaking with nerves, enough to make myself dizzy, but I could feel myself getting more and more comfortable as the lesson went on. I think that this will be a common theme throughout this trip: my confidence being tested, my fear being a wall that I have to get over in order to help the kids at this school. Overcoming barriers like these is one of the things that makes every experience with this organization incredible- I can feel my growth as a person with every day that passes. Lisa Marie once recited a quote at one of our meetings that has stuck with me since: “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Today on this service trip, getting up in front of a classroom and ignoring my sweaty palms as I talked about sugar cane plantations and saw attentive eyes and an encouraging teacher, I heard that quote ring true.

Something that consistently amazes me on my service trips is the energy and vibrance that these kids have. During break times I played never-ending games of tag with kids who literally fell over from laughter. Even though sprinting after 5-year-olds is completely exhausting, the energy drain is worth it to see their toothy smiles. The little kids would wrap their arms around your legs in a warm embrace, and the older kids would surround you and ask you about your life. Morning assembly is the best example of this energy. The kids are jumping and stomping and yelling to the beat of several drums, and their excitement makes you excited to immerse yourself in their school and do everything you can to help.

What I want to focus on for the remainder of this trip is being a bigger force in the classroom. Although I did get the hang of assisting in the class, and I dipped my toes in the water of teaching, I want to be able to share my knowledge and really make an impact in the school. The kids here are incredible, unique, and impossible to describe, and I have fallen in love with them already. If I didn’t want to help them to the best of my ability before, I do now. They deserve my complete attention and effort, which means more work when we come home planning lessons and researching what they are studying, and I am prepared to do all of it.